On Accepting Me the way God Created Me

Growing up being “unnaturally tall” (something I would jokingly tell myself and others sometimes), it was hard to accept my body and my height. It was bad enough that I started wearing glasses in the 1^st grade, but add to that my long legs? Cue ALL the “how’s the air up there” and “hey 4 eyes” jokes and comments you can think of. It wasn’t fun being the tallest person (and girl) in school all the time… When I got to high school, I was STOKED to see people taller than me- there was a WHOLE BOY who was 6ft10 and towered over EV-ER-Y-ONE! I finally felt okay with being tall, despite still being awkward with my long limbs (I fell a lot when I first started playing basketball, ha-ha).

One other thing that I struggled with while growing up tall was finding clothes that fit me right. Pants were almost always not long enough, despite having the word “long” in the sizing; shorts and dresses had to be bought in larger sizes to accommodate my long legs; regular sized shorts and dresses were WAY too short on my tall frame. Shirts also had to be bought in larger sizes so that I’d have extra length in the sleeve and midsection area. Over the years, I’ve gotten used to buying clothes in larger sizes, that for a while I didn’t know what my ACTUAL sizes were in jeans, shorts, skirts, dresses, and shirts (my hoodies will ALWAYS be larger, but that’s for comfort reasons)!! Once I was old enough to buy my own clothes and wear whatever I wanted, it was ingrained in my head that shorts, dresses, and skirts had to be knee-length; if it wasn’t I couldn’t wear it because it would show too much of my legs and I couldn’t show too much skin. There were a few times when I went out with friends that I’d wear these items in shorter lengths, but my anxiety about feeling too exposed was on high alert. Eventually I would just stick with jeans, leggings, and yoga pants for daily and workout wear, with the occasional pair of basketball shorts thrown in.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE long skirts and dresses, when they’re actually LONG on me and not stopping just above my ankles (I mean, how can I call that a MAXI skirt/dress if it doesn’t touch the floor??). I would always see cute shorts and dresses, and even rompers; but I would immediately disqualify myself from getting them because “they’d be way too short” and convinced myself that I couldn’t possibly show that much leg in public.

I don’t know exactly when it happened as I grew from pre-teen to teen to now an adult, but somewhere in those younger years my mind was convinced that showing too much leg was inappropriate, and therefore I had to hide them as best as I could. So that’s what I did. Even though my legs are hands down my favorite physical part of myself that I like, I felt ashamed and embarrassed to show them off too much outside of wearing a swimsuit. You’re probably wondering how I could be okay with wearing a swimsuit, but not be okay with wearing regular clothes that show a good amount of leg. Honestly… I couldn’t really tell you aside from that’s just how my brain saw it. Wearing a swimsuit = okay. Wearing short shorts, dresses, and skirts that came above the knee? No ma’am!

I wear shorter shorts in my house, because it’s my house. For the longest time, I didn’t feel comfortable wearing them outside the house, because I felt like EVERYONE would be staring and judging me for daring to wear something that exposed too much. I was super self-conscious about it. It’s taken me up to the last few years or so to be comfortable wearing shorter shorts both in public AND to the gym! More recently, the gym that I go to now has really been instrumental in helping me feel less self-conscious about my body and my legs.

I wear the shorter shorts to work out in, not just because my legs get extremely hot and I want them to be able to breathe, but also because I WANT to! And every now and then I allow myself to believe that they look GOOD on me; I feel that much more CONFIDENT when I wear them, and I’ll admit that there are times where I do like to show off the progress and muscle definition as well (something else that’s taken quite a few years to feel okay doing, showing off progress)! I wear the shorter shorts in public because I WANT to, and the outfit I chose to wear looks better with shorts! I haven’t worn this combo often because lately I’ve been going from work uniform to gym clothes to PJ’s, and on the weekends I’m in comfy clothes, but I LOVE pairing a cute pair of shorts with my gray low top Converse sneakers J

Sitting here thinking about it, it’s baffling to me how, despite the compliments and encouraging words I receive from family and friends about how pretty and beautiful my legs are and hearing how some people even wished they had my legs, I’ve spent YEARS subconsciously shaming myself for having long legs and wanting to wear items of clothing that showed them off. Something that God has BLESSED me with. A basic body part, and I conditioned myself to be ashamed of them based on something that seems so simple but isn’t when you think about it- CLOTHING!

Although I’m not 100% liberated from that uncomfortable feeling, I know that the more I use that feeling as a reminder to step further into what makes me ME (clothing included), the more that embarrassed feeling will go away until it’s replaced by COMPLETE CONFIDENCE in myself and my body. Every time I wear the shorts or the dress and maybe even one day a cute jumpsuit and that small but dominating part of my brain goes “but your legs-!” I will side-eye that part of my brain into submission and go about my day rocking whatever I feel like wearing because I HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”

• Abraham Maslow

Pictured wearing a pair of shorts in XS (yes, EXTRA SMALL)! I was convinced that I couldn’t wear them because of their size; I was worried about showing too much leg, but Misha enthusiastically encouraged me to at least try them on…It took a few jumps to get them over my thighs (LOL!) but once they were on I actually liked how they fit (and I was shocked that I was actually wearing an EXTRA SMALL. I honestly didn’t believe that would be possible)!!! I now have another pair that’s in a Small, and I like how those fit as well!!