Let Her Go

She couldn’t believe what she was about to do.

Surely she was crazy for even entertaining the thought; for daring to listen to the quiet voice inside her mind that’s saying,

“Do it.”

“Ignore the ‘buts’ and ‘what ifs’. You aren’t hurting anyone, and you know in your heart that you really want to… So do it.”

Closed eyes. A deep, shuddering, grounding breath. Clenched fists. Bare feet.

The first drop on her skin was a quick, cold shock to her system. She crossed her arms tightly around herself, a symbol of a security blanket meant to shrink, to hide, to protect. the drops continued to fall, and soon she adjusted to the feel of the water on her skin.

She wanted to run and go back to the safety of a covering, but her feet chose that moment to disobey.

“Let go.”

Hesitant, her arms dropped to her sides. Exposed. Doubt, fear, worry, discomfort, vulnerable…weak.

Head tilted upwards, a giggle escaped her rain-drenched lips. Followed by another, and another until the laughter became a continuous symphony from a place deep inside she’d forgotten existed.

She didn’t notice the tears at first.

Not until the laughter died away, replaced by a tightness in her chest.

When did the laughter compromise the strength of her fortress? Erode the defenses that held her secrets, her weaknesses, her shortcomings, her failures?

A sob escaped. Arms returned to their security posts. Knees connected with the pavement.

The fortress fell.